September has always been one of my favourite times of year. I love new beginnings. I love starting fresh and new. Although I would not want to return to school, as a student, I recall enjoying picking new binders, pencil cases, packsacks and packages of lined paper.
September was like a clean slate. New teachers, sometimes new schools, often new students and usually new topics for classes. As an adult, I realize how much I enjoy processes that end in some form of closure.
For me, tasks that never really end, can be daunting. I guess that is why scrubbing the toilet, dusting and dishes are not on the top of my enjoyment list!
With school, a session started and ended. Courses started and ended. Projects started and ended. There was extreme satisfaction of beginning something, doing the work and having it wrapped up at the end, with a mark or a credit.
In retrospect, I wonder if this is the reason I enjoy having such variety in what I do. I like to try something new, do the work and then find closure. I like to take on a task, create a system and then move on. I work best with a vision, the opportunity to take immediate action and then marvel at the end result.
This might also be the reason that I feel perpetually bored, with a chronic need for positive change. I suppose I can see this trait about me as a detriment, or as a gift. My resume is lengthy, I have been involved with tons of projects and I have a lot of experience, in a lot of things.
What I have come to realize is that this is who I am. For a number of years my reaction to what others have thought about me, in this regard, has caused me a lot of stress.
It has eroded my self-esteem, it has resulted in self-doubt and it has held me back from being myself because apparently I was not good enough.
The feeling of not being good enough can paralyze us. It is the single, most debilitating feeling that we can carry with us.
Human beings have a natural desire to feel accepted, loved, cared about, heard, understood and appreciated. If we have developed a feeling of not being good enough, at some point in our journey, it can lead to depression, anxiety, stress or illness.
When we carry guilt, sadness, hopelessness about a situation, it often leads us to form the conclusion that there must be something wrong with us.
Maybe we are divorced, or we are unemployed or we have been bankrupt or we have suffered with a mental illness. Maybe we feel lost, uncertain, helpless or confused.
I would say; however, that if you haven’t felt these things in your lifetime, you are one of the very few.
Most of us have experienced extreme low times. Most of us have doubted ourselves, questioned the complications of life and wanted everyone just to leave us alone.
If you have felt these things, I hear you. There are times when I slide back to darkness, when darkness was very familiar to me, for a stretch of time in my past.
I allow my brain to take over and my head fills with all of the reasons why life is exhausting and overwhelming and painful and one big, unsolvable mystery.
It is in those moments, that I doubt myself and my direction. I feel scared and worried about decisions that I am making. I feel that I should abandon what is true in my heart and in my intuition, in order to conform to what society feels is normal.
The good thing is that after darkness, comes light. The cycle will continue in our lives; however, we have the choice to keep the curtains and blinds closed or allow the light in, after the darkness has faded.
We can continue to move toward our passions, our interests, our life purpose and what is driving us from the inside out or we can deny what we really want and tell ourselves that our best life is not possible.
I am reminded of the cycle of life and how September is about new beginnings. It is the period of time when many families are preparing for back to school, it is when workers are resuming their regular schedules following summer holidays, when the real estate market and many businesses pick up and when preparations are made for new upcoming holidays and seasons.
I love September, it is a chance to begin anew. It is a also a time to shed any darkness that may have been lingering along with the story you have been telling yourself, which is holding you back.
By the way, you are good enough. Walk out into the world and decide that you will accept your own gifts, embrace your own quirks, be proud of your own uniqueness and use any of your challenging circumstances to strength you for the next leg of the race.
What is on your September horizon? Time for new beginnings…
‘First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination.’ ~ Napoleon Hill