‘You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.’ ~ Jim Rohn
There you are having a great day. You are feeling good. You are happy. You are enjoying yourself. Moments later, after an interaction with someone else, bam, your mood shifts. How is it that another person can have such an effect on us?
I often talk about the fact that we have a bubble surrounding us – let’s say three or four feet in diameter. Whatever we see, hear, interact with, spend time with, touch, smell or think about becomes part of our bubble. That bubble then creates an energy field.
So, if we spend time reading negative news stories, arguing with someone who gives us grief, staring at our outstanding credit cards bills, with compounding interest, and then observing a mess in our surroundings, it is safe to say that our bubble will not feel all that pleasant.
Think of the bubble like being inside a balloon where the sights, sounds, smells and feelings bounce off of the inside of the balloon, back toward us. Whether we like it or don’t like it, the energy field in our bubble affects us.
I work hard at cultivating the energy in my bubble. I do the things that I am passionate about, things that bring me joy, things that make me happy.
I go for walks in nature, take photographs and sights that I find interesting, I listen to soft, spa-like music, I read inspiring stories and insightful books, I attend and deliver empowering seminars, I take naps or rest with an eye pillow. I look at photos of my grandson’s adorable face.
I make our home, business and office a reflection of what I believe. I am surrounded by positive quotes, motivating words or peaceful settings. I create slideshows with images of nature and words that will hopefully inspire others. I make a point of cultivating positive spaces, conversations, atmospheres and moods so that I can make a positive difference.
Still, through all of this, I become affected by people and situations that spill toxic energy into my bubble. Still, I get frustrated. Still, I get angry. Still, I feel disempowered, out of control, at a loss, or derailed in my thoughts, my actions and my words.
As much as I dislike that this happens, I know that the more work I do on myself, the better I will be able to handle these situations. I continue to be reminded that others do what they feel is best and they will not always do things the way that I would. I might want them to; however, they have free will to make choices and decisions that may be completely opposite to what I would do.
The problem is when I allow myself to be impacted by the choices and decisions of others, when it is not serving me. I must make the changes that I need to make, for myself. I need to live with my decisions. I need to be responsible for my choices. I need to protect and ensure that my bubble is overpowered by the good stuff, even when there are problems in my path.
The most disempowering feeling is when we do not listen to what our intuition is telling us and then it comes back to bite us. We often agree to do things that we know will likely cause problems, we agree to things out of guilt, we try to help others or we trust others, but ultimately, we are 100% responsible when the choices we make do not work out as planned.
I cannot control the actions, words, or decisions of others, but I can control my own actions, words and decisions. I cannot make someone see my perspective or convince them of my side of an argument, but I can ensure that I express my perspective and my side of an issue.
I cannot change anyone else, but I can change what I will or won’t do in response to the actions of others. I only have control over myself. Constantly reminding myself of this philosophy has been paramount lately.
What do I need to do to deal with this situation? What can I do differently? What am I supposed to learn here? What action will I take to address this? These questions are much more empowering than blaming someone else for their behaviour or lack of action in a matter.
I must grab the steering wheel when it comes to my bubble. If there is anything that I am not happy or satisfied with, it is absolutely up to me to do something about it. Waiting around for other people to change or fix something for us is like standing in the middle of a balloon with a hose full of pepper spray seeping in. It is toxic, it is unhealthy and it will make us sick and miserable.
What do we need to do to take action, replace, let in, release, take control of, or let go of what is wreaking havoc in our bubbles?
‘If it is to be, it is up to me.’ ~ William H. Johnsen