Peter Chow: The Donald J Trump Memorial “Liebrary”

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Feeding some subclinical mildly Narcissistic tendencies, the idea of a Presidential Library has always been incredibly attractive to Trump..

“A Shrine To His Ego,” predicted one lyin’ Never-Trumper “Not a ReTrumplican” at the failing New York Times.

Others imagined a theme park, maybe a “DONALDLAND” or a “DONNYWOOD” or a maybe a full “MAGALAND” mega-exercise in rebranding his presidency anf re-writing the True History of those last 4 years.

One report said he’s trying to raise an astonishing $3 billion from donations to his “Stop the Steal Campaign” slush fund to build it.

There had been speculation that there could never be a Trump Library because he famously doesn’t read books…..or anything.

But Presidential Libraries aren’t that kind of library.

These are repositories for preserving and making available the papers, records, collections and other historical materials of every president.

Except in Trump’s case, everything having been shredded, it will be a Herculean task to organise everything.

And because his presidency ended in a shocking insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, fanned by Trump himself, resulting in a second impeachment….

 

But other presidents have similarly stepped down in total disgrace  –  “Tricky Dicky”, Richard Nixon resigned in 1974 after being totally fragged by the Watergate scandal –  Herbert Hoover lost in the Mother of All Landslides in 1932, and was blamed for the Great Depression  –  and they still got their libraries.

(Hoover lost to FDR by 7,060,000 votes, Trump lost to Biden by 7,052,000.  The Great Depression began in 1929 and never really ended until and because of World War ll)

 

Urban Dictionary: frag –  to eliminate someone with a fragmentation grenade

In one triumphant masterstroke, the long, hard search for a site for The Donald John Trump Presidential Liebrary has finally come to a climax.

On Hump Day last week, The Office of the Failed Former President announced a deal to purchase the site occupied by Fantasy Island Adult Books.

Located in the red-light district of “Phillydelphia” next to Four Seasons Total Landscaping, the proposed center will function as a Cult Shrine, Presidential Library, and Novelty Sex Shop, all in one  –  obviating the need for Trump to blow his entire wad on costly renovations.

 

On November 7, 2020, four days after the United States presidential election, Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City and an attorney for then-president Donald Trump, and fresh off his starring role in the Borat Subsequent Moviefilm, hosted a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a local landscaping business located near a sex shop and a crematorium in Philadelphia.

The event was held at the company’s garage door and parking lot for Rudi G., wierdly wiping black hair dye from his eyes, to discuss the status of the Trump campaign’s legal challenges to the “fraudulent” ballot-counting process in the state.

It was speculated that the Trump campaign had actually meant to book the upscale Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia, but….

The event was ridiculed by the Fake News media and Social Media particularly after it emerged that one of the speakers at the event was a convicted sex offender.

 

The year-long search nearly went limp after the devout Porn-Again Christian President aroused a bunch of dicks who, on January 6, penetrated the bowels of the Capitol in an attempt to screw Democracy.

 

Several companies involved in the whole oddly carnal affair abruptly pulled out, leaving the project a hot sticky mess.

Sources deep inside Trump’s organization feared the failed former POTUS could no longer keep it up.

(Fittingly, Trump’s nickname in the real estate development fraternity in New York City in the 1980s was “the Prick”)

In one three-way menage a trois/meeting, Trump railed and exploded about being back-doored repeatedly.

 

Determined to go all the way, he ordered those working under him to get busy and bang it out, even if they had to move the center to “Thighland.”

A rough review process thrust The Phillydelphia Lust-Related Licensing Board into the whole cock-up as the normally dominant power brokers were forced to just watch and wait for a climax like submissive little cucks.

Urban Dictionary: cockup – Something that’s horribly screwed up, ruined or destroyed, originally a British expression
:  cuck – A man who lets his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. Often the man lets her do whatever she wants and treat him like shit   (Short version of cuckold)

Ultimately Trump was able to grease the heads of the licensing board with cash payments that lubricated the process.

A large package of funding for the Executive Flesh Palace and MAGA-lomania Museum is expected to be funneled from Trump’s “Stop the Steal” slush fund once the dirty money has undergone extensive laundering through offshore bank accounts via multiple shell corporations owned by Jared.

Once erected, the Phillydelphia Presidential Phallus Facility will house countless shredded documents from the Trump Era.

The marble-floored foyer will be overlooked by a large poster of his famous ghost-written book The Art of the Steal

Trump not only doesn’t read of course, he doesn’t write  –  except for signing his name with a Sharpie.

Trump’s nothing like Adolph Hitler  –  there’s no way Trump could write a book on his own.

Upstairs is a room dedicated to the president’s false and controversial tweets, such as “Mexico Will Pay For The Wall!!!”

 

Oath Keepers, Bugaloo Boys, Proud Boys, QAnon members and “some very fine people” of the NeoNazi White Supremacist persuasion will all be eligible for deep discounts for admission.

 

It will feature loads of attractions that are totally unique for presidential libraries, including a dismantled border wall scrapyard, a Matt Gaetz glory hole, an underground replica of Trump’s White House sex-dungeon panic-bunker, an Eric Trump paste-eating kids zone, a Don Jr. animal head trophy room, a spooky Hall of Traitors wax figure walkway with molded replicas of co-conspirators like Steve Bannon (really evil), Paul Manaforte (really crooked), Michael Flynn (really wacko/dangerous), Roger Stone (really conniving), Stephen Miller (really spooky), Lindsay Graham (really obsequious suckhole) and Jism Jourdan (really creepy), a Kimberly Guilfoyle (really smokin’ hot) champagne lap-dance room, a “Horseface” Stormy Daniels movie retrospective, a cute Cages for Kids Diorama and VIP nudie booths for “Yuge” donors who purchase the Putin Golden Shower Package.

Urban Dictionary:  yuge – a variation of the word “huge” commonly used by Donald

It will have a “Grift Shop” that will sell pre-dated Presidential pardons.

Urban Dictionary: grift  –  A money-making operation that is blatantly dishonest and takes advantage of people

It will feature something about the Muslim ban, something about winning the War on Terrorism, winning the war against Isis, winning his war on China and winning the trade tariff wars, some documentation from his visit to North Korea, and copies of beyoutiful bromance letters from his BFF Kim Jong-un.

Alotta stuff about winning  –  so much winning that “you’ll get sick and tired of so much winning.”

There will be a lot of pictures of him meeting with his favorite dictators and autocrats  –  Putin, Kim, Erdogan, Duterte, Bolsonaro, Orban and Xi.

And big blown-up images of their letters or quotes about him and how really great he was, how much greater he was than that failed traitorous President, Obama.

It has to have the Golden Escalator, referring to that glorious moment in the summer of 2015 at Trump Tower, when the future president announced his candidacy and raised the alarm about the threat of the Tsunami of rapists and murderers pouring in from Mexico.

Although he so very graciously conceded, “And some (Mexicans), I assume, are good people.”

Visit the Gallery of “Bestest Tweets” and the Wing of “Perfect Calls”.

Revel in the Chamber of Alternative Facts, and 20,000 Lies, including the Mother Of All BIG LIES!!

Snap a souvenir selfie of yourself carting off a replica of Nancy Pelosi’s podium before chowing down on “Bigly Burgers” at the Covfefe Café.

Urban Dictionary:  Covfefe is a viral typo for “coverage” from a tweet by Donald Trump.  The meaning and intention of the mysterious word was the source of much internet humor.

Jason Miller, Senior Jizz Mopper and Spokesman for the doubly-impeached president, said the seedy adult bookstore and Presidential Library would continue to sell popular items like DVDs, lotions, dildos, nipple clamps, strap-ons, cock cages, vibrators, edible panties, penis rings, clone-a-willy molding kits, MAGA hats, Ivanka-autograph ben-wa balls, bondage chains, ball gags, prostate stimulators, anal probers, sex swings, handcuffs, anal beads, glass wands, inflatable Melania dolls, flesh lassos, vagina weights, oral sex candy, stroker sleeves, personal massagers, electro-stimulators, magic balls, double fisters, fetish rocking chairs, and autographed photos of past celebrity patrons like Mike Pence and Mike Gaetz and Rudy G.

“Like a rubber fisting mitten, Fantasy Island Adult Books was the perfect fit,” Miller explained.

“This is going to be One Sexy-Ass Presidential Liebrary where some very fine people will make America gush again.”

Supporters of the project hope the Trump-themed jerkstore will pump capital into the area with a rise in jobs for area strippers and an influx of cash from perverted QAnon “patriots” with a penchant for splurging on cheap trinkets and sex toys.

Urban Dictionary: jerkstore – 1) a fictitious retailer that sells “jerks” 2) a line that one imagines to be the perfect comeback

Trump explained that he expects everyone who visits will want Sloppy Seconds.

“The Donald J. Trump Presidential Liebrary and Adult Bookstore is going to be the classiest boom-boom room and flophouse in all of South Philly.”

Urban Dictionary: boom-boom room – that special, male-only, establishment where just about any “request” can be almost instantaneously satisfied
:  flop house – an apartment where many drug abusers stay to sleep and abuse drugs

“Nobody’s never ever seen anything like it,” Trump added.

 

“People from around the country will flock here to learn all about how really, really great my great administration was, or just to pick up a dildo.  I don’t use ’em.  I’ve never needed ’em. But we’ll have all kinds of merchandise for sale.  The pre-orders for the Lindsey Graham butt-plugs alone are through the roof.”

Other locals were more circumspect about the center.

A co-owner of Four Season Total Landscaping, who asked to remain nameless, expressed their doubts about the presidential library.

“I don’t want those MAGA wankers coming here.  Fantasy Island is a classy joint, and those Trumpers will sully it.”

Urban Dictionary: wanker – British slang for a masturbating fool

Ground is set to be broken soon with the first holes being dug in late spring.

Shyster and Keister Construction Company will employ hundreds of underpaid, undocumented immigrants to renovate the sex shop before they are reported to ICE as illegals and deported.

Urban Dictionary: shyster – shyster is derived from the German term scheisser, meaning literally “one who defecates,” used to describe someone who is untrustworthy, money grabbing and full of crap, particularly in the field of legal work for some reason
: keister – to hide or smuggle items in one’s anus

Trump is reportedly building an extra “crash pad” above the Presidential Liebrary, which sources close to the former Twitter influencer say he plans to live in once Melania has gotten out of her problematic pre-nup and divorced him, escaping with Barron, after Ivanka and Jared have disowned him, now a social pariah, his lenders have f_cked him and called him on his loans, Putin releases the “Pee Tapes” and he is tossed out of Mar-a-Lago by fed-up local Palm Beach residents.

REFERENCES

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-presidential-library-where-b1787635.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_J._Trump_Presidential_Library

https://www.trumplibrary.gov/

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-04-05/trump-keeps-history-at-bay-by-putting-off-presidential-library

https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/01/22/trump-presidential-library-plans-461383

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1932_United_States_presidential_election

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_United_States_presidential_election

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=The%20Urban%20Dictionary

15 COMMENTS

  1. Peter Chow writes like a first-year poli sci student. I don’t know what’s more underwhelmingly pathetic, his writing or his references. Seriously, this guy is what we call a floater. The best he could hope for was to be floated through with a 65%.

    So why does Sault Online pay a man for a column dedicated to Donald J. Trump? This is a Local News site? Yet your main columnist chiefly focuses on Trump…is that his only method to obtain some attention? Sault Online, you can do better. And if you can’t, well that’s just pathetic.

  2. I find it intriguing to read comments from people who criticize Peter Chow about having an obsession with Trump. These people who do this in response to many of Peter Chow’s opinion pieces are unable to see that they are accusing Peter Chow of something they are guilty of themselves which is their own obsession not with Trump but with Peter Chow. If they dislike Peter Chow’s pieces so much, why else would they continue to read them instead of simply ignoring them?

    • So you want us to sit back and take Peters criticism of so many things he doesn’t agree with and look the other way and ignore it? Where many, especially young people might take all he says as the truth and be led astray in some cases. Sorry but those who do care will give input and It’s actually not a hate of peter in my case. I actually agree with many things he posts but like any post not all things will people agree with as evidence of past comments.

    • That logic is precisely how we got stuck with inept federal leadership.
      Ignoring something doesn’t always make it go away, sometimes it emboldens it.

  3. Trump is a mentally sick and deranged idiot, but we should be more concerned with what is happening in Ottawa as what is going on doesn’t look good for our future at all.

  4. Well well well, Peter your obsession with Trump is very predictable now but getting worrisome. In fact this latest post I’m more concerned about you than Trump. This post has given us all a window to your soul that is very dark and shown us your knowledge of a world that you are well versed in and find more pleasure in than steering away from.

  5. How that delusional, pathological liar, narcissistic, criminal ex president wannabe is not in a facility for the criminally insane completely baffles the world and will continue to as long as he is not locked up. How can one whack job buffoon make that many people believe that he is legit? It just goes to show that the IQ of the average American is a lot lower than anyone may have guessed.

  6. A library to honor a man who likely never set foot in a library in his life. I do like the name TRUMP LIEBRARY though. We can only hope Trump will be found guilty of a crime and prevented from ever running for President again !!!

  7. Hilarious to read Chow label someone else as narcissistic – have you taken a look inward lately?With the astonishing levels of corruption in Canada’s government these days combined with the appalling lack of ethics maybe it’s time to get your head out of past U.S. politics and pay attention to the Canadian boondoggle.

    • Hear, hear!

      Been trying to get him to look inwardly for years but he’s always transfixed on the external – as it (the trap) is meant to be. Probably smart enough to get it but he’s always got that head buried.

      Obvious controlled opposition trump is obvious controlled op.

  8. when people say “he’s living rent free in your head”, this is the kind of actual delusion they are talking about.

    for some, he is just another talking head. others cannot imagine trump without conceiving some fullblown phantasmagoria of their own pyschological projections

    he’s just a bad, bloated grifter president, and he isn’t anymore. it’s ok to let it go.

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